Saturday, October 25, 2008

How To Break A Heart

The key is to pluck the heart from the victim's chest.Pretend you're going to stow it away somewhere safe,but really stuff it into your backpocket or purse.

Smile like everything's perfect but get your hands ready to shape,like a potter.Spin the poor fool around and around in your hand while constantly applying false sincerity in order to preserve naivete.That's right,shape the target into anything you please;a clingy sap,an envious monster,a lapdog,or maybe something that'll just stay put and keep quiet,like a scarf or watch.Just drape them around your shoulders or wrist.You pick their shape?Good,next phase.

This is going to involve some acting,but don't be intimidated,your line's only three words long,just smile sweetly when you say it and maintain eye contact.Then when they believe you,absolutely without a doubt believe you,you chuckle in the privacy of your home.After you've had a good laugh call them up and say you need to talk,sound sad and concerned and above all innocent.When you meet up at a restaurant order a lemonade,wait for it to arrive,take a sip,then another and then end it.

That's right,end it right then and there.But make sure you say something like we can still be friends or you'll find somebody nice.Then,right before they distraughtly stalk out of the door,muttering slurred curses under their breath to ease their burning throat,return that barely beating little keepsake they so willingly entrusted you with.It should be oddly shaped by now,with bits and pieces missing here and there from constantly sitting on it or toting it around.Don't worry,just toss it back to the previous owner and resume sipping your beverage.After all,you shouldn't be wasteful.And don't ever under any circumstances feel guilty,you did the person a favor,I mean,next time they'll know better.

All Comments Welcome


  1. I have had my hear broken and it is very oainfl.really really painful, don't you agree?

  2. Absolutely.Heart breaks sometimes seem like they could be as painful as heart attacks.